


oh sadness I'm your girl

by 4cky



Category: Persona 3
Genre: (ttttechnically at one point i mean??), Canon Non-Binary Character, Death, F/F, Femslash February, Fortune S. Link, High School, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Major Character Injury, Selectively Mute Hamuko, Sharing a Body, what else do I put here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-20 17:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6017923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4cky/pseuds/4cky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryoji Mochizuki is a quiet, pretty girl. Hamuko thinks she likes her, even if Aigis says she's dangerous.</p><p>[a retelling of the Fortune social link, but really gay, and with girls]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The boys were chattering at the gate as she arrived at school that morning, which was rather unusual. “Did you hear? There’s a new girl who’s supposed to be a real cutie.”

“Wasn’t she like that quiet one with the scarf? I saw that student council member showing her around earlier. Man, I hope she’s in my class.”

“No way, I call dibs on her!”

They got quieter as they spoke about her, though Hamuko was getting rather bored of the conversation herself. It’d be funny if the new girl did end up going to her classroom, though, since it’d make her the third one. All the other classes would be languishing without any new people, she giggled to herself. Hopping up the stairs, she got to class with Aigis at her side. The brunette flashed a grin at the android, though they seemed more troubled than anything. “...I am sorry,” they apologized, though they didn’t explain it.

“Class! If you’d please settle down,” Ms. Toriumi said, glowering at a few specific girls who were still chatting away. Eventually, the girls shamefully lowered their gaze to the floor and grew quiet, “Thank you. Now, anyways,” she motioned to someone who was apparently still not standing in class. Eventually, a girl with poofy black hair and a yellow scarf walked into the classroom. “This is the third transfer student we’ve had this year, making it a hat trick.”

Hamuko didn’t get it. But apparently, no one else did either. “The new transfer’s pretty hot, isn’t she?” one of the guys behind her said in a stage whisper, though Ms. Toriumi and Yukari glared back at him.

Her face turned even more sour, “Well, anyways. Why don’t you introduce yourself to the class?” The transfer student didn’t seem to be paying attention to that. She scanned the classroom from behind her scarf, with a look of bored dispassion. This certainly wasn’t helping their teacher’s mood, even as said student didn’t seem to get it after she coughed a couple times. “Would you please introduce yourself to the class?”

“...Ryoji Mochizuki,” she said, not bothering to move her scarf. Hamuko doubted if the people in the back were even able to hear her. Ryoji looked at her and seemed to stop looking around the room, relaxing a little. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“That’ll have to do. She’s studying here while her parents are overseas, where she also lived. She may not be used to basic concepts like politeness,” her mouth drew to one side as she said this, though said student didn’t seem to care. 

“Man, she could be mean to me all she wants,” one of the guys in the back sighed. At this point, all Ms. Toriumi could do was roll her eyes.

“Anyways, you’ll need a seat, won’t you? You can take a seat…” she pointed at the nearest empty seat, near Hamuko. “There, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Ms. Toriumi, the guy who normally sits there is out today. That’s his seat.”

“If he’s not here today, then obviously the seat isn’t that important to him. Miss Mochizuki can sit there instead. And let that be a warning to anyone else planning on skipping class,” She turned back towards the blackboard as Ryoji took the seat she’d been directed to.

Hamuko gave her new neighbor a big grin, as if welcoming her to the classroom. It was a little hard to tell with her scarf covering half her face, but it seemed like she may have been smiling back at her. But at her side, Aigis was already having a negative reaction to the new member of the class, “You are dangerous!” they said, not even trying to be quiet about it.

“Please be quiet! I understand you may be upset at no longer being the new student, Aigis, but if you don’t learn this, I’m going to be the one suffering for it!” Ms. Toriumi said menacingly. They didn’t say anything else, though this didn’t stop the glare they kept sending to the new girl. She didn’t seem to be paying attention, though. It went like this for essentially the rest of the day, even if Yukari decided to start chatting with the new girl during lunch. 

Once class was over, Yukari approached her leader, “Hey, Hamuko. Have you had a chance to talk to Ryoji-chan yet? Oh… what am I saying, you never talk around school anyways, do you? Anyways, I think it’d be nice if we could all be friends.”

Despite being taller than Yukari, Ryoji didn’t do a thing to make her presence known next to her. Hamuko waved at her, face an ever-present grin. The tall girl tilted her head at the brunette, “...what’s your name?”

“Her name’s Hamuko. But she doesn’t talk in school, really, I’m sure the teachers must love her for it.”

“Oh. That’s a nice name,” she said adjusting her scarf so that she could be heard without being muffled, “...it’s strange. I got a very strong sense of deja vu looking at you just now. Have we met somewhere else before?”

Hamuko put her finger to her chin in thought before shaking her head. The archer girl had a half-smile on her face, despite that, “I can tell you two will be good friends. That’s more I’ve heard her say in one go than the rest of the day combined.”

The transfer student turned pink at that remark, hurriedly hiding behind her scarf again. Still though! She seemed like a good person, and Hamuko liked her. “You are a threat!” Aigis appeared, glowering at Ryoji. “You cannot trust her!”

“Aigis! I won’t let you bully the new girl like that! I know you care about Hamuko, but you can’t just yell at new friends she makes,” Yukari said, looking defiant.

Aigis frowned, apparently confused by their own emotions. But still, they decided to repeat, “You are a threat.” They grabbed Hamuko and half dragged her out of the classroom, though she did manage to wave goodbye to Ryoji. Why anyone would think she was dangerous was beyond her, she looked like someone who might sulk if she smashed a fly. She wouldn’t mind becoming friends with her at all.

 

~~~~~~

 

It was a Thursday morning, which technically meant that the school week was almost halfway over, if she didn’t count Saturday’s half-day. The year certainly hadn’t been easy, what with Aragaki-senpai’s almost death and the death of Mitsuru-senpai’s father. Emotionally, she was exhausted, but she felt like once the year was over, things would get better, there’d be a fresh start again. And that’d be soon enough, wouldn’t it? With a yawn, she got onto the train to school. 

She’d been a little early; the train wasn’t completely packed like it got sometimes. Hamuko spotted a familiar face, or scarf, she supposed. “Good morning, Ryoji!”

The transfer student looked a little dazed as she stared out the window, though that was probably just because she was tired. “Morning, Hamuko. I didn’t realize you took this train too.”

“I woke up early, so I got here pretty quickly. I even beat Aigis and Yukari! You look like you’re thinking pretty hard about something,” she observed, following her classmate’s gaze.

“Is that what it looks like?” she adjusted her scarf so that Hamuko could hear her easily, “I was admiring the way the sun shines off of the ocean.”

“It’s really pretty, isn’t it? Even though I’ve been here almost a year, when I see the view I notice how beautiful it is, too. It’s even better when you’re looking at it with a friend, right?” she said, her face quixotic. 

A small smile graced Ryoji’s lips, “...since you mention it, isn’t it?” 

Hamuko nodded, smiling, “So how are you liking school? I had to move around a lot when I was younger, so I got to experience being the new kid many, many times.”

“That must have been fun.”  
She didn’t know if she’d describe it as fun, but at least Ryoji seemed to have a positive look on the situation, “Do you think it’s fun?”

Ryoji considered this for a moment, “Isn’t it though? It’s… not like anything I’ve experienced before.”

It was surprising, though she supposed it was reasonable that she hadn’t experienced anything like a Japanese school. After all, she’d been overseas with her parents until recently, right? “Yeah, you’re right there. If you have any problems, I’ll help you! Don’t be afraid to ask!”

“I just shouldn’t expect an answer right away if we’re at school, right?” she gave a soft chuckle. Her laughter was very pretty, Hamuko noted.

“I could write an answer on some paper for you, though, so don’t worry about that.”

“Hmm… I think I’d rather hear it from you though. Your voice sounds nice,” she mumbled this out, looking away from her. Hamuko decided that she didn’t want her to hear that and pretended she hadn’t. 

“Oh! We’re almost to the station. I have to buy myself lunch when we get there, so I’ll see you in class,” Hamuko straightened her school jacket and checked her bag to make certain of the supplies she had. All clear!

“Of course. I hope it’s another fun day.”

 

~~~~~

 

Friday was one of Hamuko’s favorite days, since it was the last full day of class. Her dormmates already had their own business to attend, so she decided to head back by herself. At least, that was originally her plan, until she saw the boys who were swarming the entrance gate. 

“Ryoji-chan! I can walk you home, if you want!”

“Dude, come on, let me talk to her. You’re just making her uncomfortable!” 

They seemed to be squabbling over her, though at best, she looked uncomfortable, and at worst like she might throw up on someone’s shoes if they got near her. Obviously, she needed someone to come to her rescue! So Hamuko locked arms with her and smiled congenially at the boys. It took her a moment, but Ryoji seemed to realized what was happening, “Sorry… my friend’s taking me home.”

The boys groaned as Hamuko waved at them, guiding Ryoji out of the crowd and back to the Port Island Station. “I hope you didn’t mind,” she said, arm still linked to the transfer student’s. Neither showed signs of letting go, however.

“No, no. Of course not. You really saved me back there,” She sighed so hard that she appeared to shrink a few inches, “I hope that wasn’t embarrassing for you. I just don’t know what to do in situations like that…”

“It’s fine! Lots of girls get nervous around that many boys. It’s just cause you’re a cute new transfer, it’ll die down sooner rather than later,” Hamuko reassured her, patting her arm gently.

“Do you really think that?”

“Of course! They’ll calm down in a month, tops.”

“That wasn’t…” she drifted off, before slipping her arm out from Hamuko’s, “if Aigis-san sees us, they’ll get mad again. But, I wonder why.”

“Oh, they’re just protective. It’s just their nature,” Hamuko explained, gesturing with her arms.

“No, I mean… she seems familiar too. I don’t understand why,” she crossed her arms and stood in place for a moment. In the end, she shrugged and looked over at her friend, “...Would you be alright with showing me around the island? Wherever you like is fine with me.”

“Alright! I have a few ideas, anyways. It’s not like tomorrow’s a full day anyways,” she smiled and half-jogged ahead of Ryoji, deciding to take her wherever she thought would be a good place to go. Hopefully today was as much fun as it was for her.

 

~~~~~

 

“Hello, this is Hamuko Arisato~!” she picked up her ringing phone with her typical greeting.

“Hi, this is Ryoji, I got your number from Yukari-chan,” there was a brief pause on the other end before she continued, “um, I was wondering, are you busy today? I thought we could hang out somewhere if you didn’t mind.”

“Today, hm…” she checked her calender and then decided she didn’t care terribly; hanging out with Ryoji was bound to be a better way to spend her time, “sure. I’m free. Where did you want to go?”

“Would Chagall sound alright to you? I haven’t been able to try it yet.”

“Sure! I’ll meet you there!” She hung up, completely forgetting to say goodbye or anything in her excitement. It didn’t take long for her to put on her favorite fall outfit (well, the only one she wore, anyways. It was her favorite, after all!) and head to the cafe. Ryoji was already sitting at a table when she arrived.

Even though she had her typical distant look, she was perfectly aware that she’d arrived. “I’ve never been somewhere like this before,” she said, eyes looking up at her as she took her seat, “it’s fascinating.”

“Fascinating? I s’pose so. It’s pretty popular cause the coffee here is supposed to make you more charismatic,” she said, setting her face on her hands.

“Oh, you must drink here frequently, then,” she blinked and pulled her scarf over her face more, “um. Anyways, do you think the people around here are all couples? I noticed it while I was waiting here.”

There did seem to be an awful lot of couples, now that she mentioned it. Probably because there wasn’t any school today, “Does it make you feel uncomfortable? We could go do some karaoke instead, if you wanted.”

“No, it’s fine. I mean, I wanted to come here with you anyways,” She leaned across the table, “it’s interesting that so many people here have someone they care for more than anyone else in the world. Right?”

“Yeah! It’s nice though, I think. Everyone seems like they’re in a good mood; thats the kind of atmosphere this place seems to have, I think. Maybe it’s why couples like it so much,” she grinned, elbows planted on the table, “do you think about that sort of thing a lot?”

She seemed to look at the floor when she asked, “Well… I…”

It appeared that she was rather deep in thought, so Hamuko ordered some drinks for them, “Is hot cocoa alright with you?”

“Oh. Yes, that’s fine,” she focused again after she ordered. “You know, I would like you if you were a girl or a guy, I think.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ah, well. It’s not that strange, right?” she looked a little sheepish as she said it. “I just… I feel like we’ll be very close in the future, and it makes me feel worried. I’m not sure why.”

“Lots of people worry about the future, it’s not that strange,” though why their closeness would bother her, she couldn’t figure out. A waiter brought their drinks, and she started to idly sip hers.

“Actually, I’m… I’m really enjoying hanging out like this with you. Could we do it more in the future?”

“Of course. That’s what friends do, after all,” she responded with a bright smile, “we could hang out during that Kyoto trip, if you want.”

“That sounds nice,” she replied with a nod, “perhaps then I could find out why…”

Hamuko quirked an eyebrow at her, “‘Why’ what?”

“...it’s nothing. Why don’t you tell me about what you’d like to do in Kyoto? I bet you have an idea,” she loosened her scarf and sipped at her cocoa. Hamuko started to describe how she’d probably go pray at the temples, and try lots of food, and probably get a charm or two. Ryoji just listened quietly to what she said without a word. She remembered something similar had happened before, but shook it out of her head. 

Shinjiro was planning… something, and that hadn’t quite gone right in the end. Ryoji didn’t seem to be, she just liked listening to her talk. They stayed like this, Hamuko chatting about this and that while her friend just listened, smiling or frowning when appropriate, until the cafe was closed.

 

~~~~~

 

“I kind of wish we went somewhere besides Kyoto, it seems like everyone comes here on a school trip,” Yukari sighed to Ryoji.

“...it’s pretty nice, I think,” she responded, stretching after the long train ride. Aigis kept shooting her wary looks as they did their best to stay close to their leader.

“You know, you’re really positive for someone who never talks,” she complained, but with a laugh.

“Is that strange?”

“No. I guess I’m just bitter that I used to live here. And--” She paused when she looked over at Mitsuru, who finally made it off the train. Sometimes, looking at her, it seemed like she’d died when her father did, but no one had the courtesy to let her body know. Yukari frowned, looking at her, “Hey, Ryoji-chan, I’m sorry. I have to take care of something. You’ll be alright, won’t you?”

She nodded, and Yukari went almost immediately to her upperclassman’s side. It was a little sad, seeing how lost she looked without someone talking to her. “Sheesh, it’s a shame Yukari couldn’t ask you to look after her,” Junpei, who she’d almost completely forgotten, said quietly next to her.

“Hey, you’ll make sure no one bugs her, right?”

“Haaaah, man, Yukari would have never asked me to do that. But sure, I’ll keep an eye on her. Junpei-kun is on the case!” He grinned at her.

“Don’t crowd her though, okay? I think it makes her nervous,” she said quietly, hoping Aigis wouldn’t scold her for worrying about someone who was an apparent threat.

“Hey, I know how to talk to a girl without harassing her,” he pouted for a moment before he went over to greet Ryoji. He approached her almost like one would a skittish cat. Maybe it was his experience with Chidori. Remarkably, though, they seemed to get along fine. Though at her side, the android was still tense, the fact that Ryoji hadn’t approached them seemed to keep them at least somewhat calm. 

They arrived at the hotel without incident from the tour bus, the transfer student still managing to get along with Junpei. “What are the umbrellas for?” she asked, staring at the ones positioned throughout the inn. 

“We could stand under it and avoid the rain!” Hamuko giggled. 

“Sheesh, leader, that’s a guy’s line…” Junpei muttered with a sigh, “Y’know, ‘stay close to me so you don’t get rained on.’ This is why you don’t have a boyfriend.”

Hamuko shot Junpei a glare indicating that his opinion wasn’t wanted and also she could definitely pick up that umbrella and start beating him with it. “‘Leader’...? Oh, is that what your friends call you?” Ryoji asked, “...I think Hamuko’s better, though.”

“Yeah, it conveys your relationship with ham,” the next time they went to Tartarus, Hamuko made a mental note of putting Junpei in his swim trunks. Maybe if Mitsuru-senpai got charmed, she’d freeze him…

“Um, did you want to hang out together after this? I think we’ll have some time,” she asked, although Aigis was right on that.

“You are a problem!” they said accusingly, holding tight enough to Hamuko’s arm that she was concerned she might pop. 

“Sheesh, you might want to get your audio checked, Aigis. You’re sounding like a broken record,” Junpei said with an exaggerated eyeroll.

“My audio is not the problem,” they responded, head tilted. 

“Anyways, what did you do at your old school, Ryoji-chan? Do they have class trips overseas too?”

“...I… don’t remember,” she told him, looking oddly nervous. Maybe she was worried he’d be disappointed if she said they didn’t?

“Really? Man, it’s gotta be pretty boring overseas if you can’t even remember if they have school trips or not,” Junpei made a face and shrugged. 

“I guess…” 

“Is that the ‘open air hot spring’?” Aigis asked, pointing at the pool in the middle of the room. It probably wasn’t, unless there was some sort of creepy exhibitionist hot spring. 

“No, I think it’s a bird bath,” she decided, although Fuuka was frantically waving her hands.

“L-leader! That’s not a bird bath! Don’t teach her incorrect things.”

She didn’t know exactly what the purpose was, so it wasn’t like it was intentional! “Everyone, you can discuss this later. Get up to your rooms, the girls are this way, guys are that way,” Ms. Toriumi announced, gesturing towards the stairs, “why don’t you go get unpacked?”

Aigis looked at Hamuko, apparently confused about who they were supposed to stay with. “You should stay on the girl’s floor, that would be fine, right?” Fuuka suggested. 

“I am not a girl; I am an anti-shadow weapon,” they insisted, although the blue haired girl got very nervous about this.

“A-Aigis, come on, you shouldn’t discuss that outside of the dorms,” she mumbled. 

“Well, I guess this is the end of the line for me, try not to have too much fun without me,” Junpei told them with a small salute. 

“We will!” Hamuko said, sticking her tongue out at him. Junpei could have fun with Akihiko (not that it seemed like he would be much fun. He’d seemed pretty down since Shinjiro’s accident and Mitsuru’s fluctuating emotional state.) The girls (plus Aigis) made their way up to their rooms, friends pairing up into rooms. Or at least they would have if Yukari hadn’t objected to Aigis staying in Hamuko’s room again (“it’s too clingy!”), and if Aigis hadn’t objected to Ryoji staying in Hamuko’s room. Aigis ended up staying in the same room as Fuuka, Yukari with Mitsuru, and Hamuko and Ryoji with their other classmates. It wasn’t the brunette’s fault if she decided to ask the transfer over to her room for a little while; her roommate was off with her boyfriend a floor below anyways. “We should tell scary stories!” she declared.

“...you know I do have to go to a different room, right? I don’t really want to be scared of every bump in the night from that,” Ryoji said, which was perfectly reasonable. 

“Alright, alright… then let’s just chat. Oh, we could talk about our crushes!” she recalled the fellowship she’d went on with her tennis team. The group seemed really giddy about that stuff then, too. 

“C-crushes? Um, I’m not really sure what you mean,” she responded.

“You know! Crushes! People you think are cute and you want to date ‘em.”

“Oh, you mean like y--” Ryoji clammed up, not speaking for what felt like a long while. Finally, she said, “...I don’t know if I have anyone like that. At least, I don’t think they’d feel the same way.”

“Don’t be so down on yourself! I bet they think you’re cute too,” her friend said, patting her shoulder. 

“Do… you have one? A crush, I mean,” her hands tried to go for the scarf that was usually around her neck, until she realized that she wasn’t wearing it in her yukata. She ran a hand through her hair instead.

“I don’t think so. I don’t know, I guess. I don’t really think any of the boys are very interesting,” she said honestly, before realizing her answer was a little troublesome, “not that I’m saying they’re boring or anything! They’re perfectly good, I just…” She made some vague hand motions, then shrugged and laughed. “That was a pretty bad answer, huh?”

“It’s alright. I didn’t really have much of an answer, either.”

“Let’s talk about something else! I’ll do your hair and you can talk about what you wanna do in Kyoto,” she announced, although she didn’t wait for her to agree or disagree to it. She had already found a hairbrush and was trying to decide if Ryoji’s hair was long enough to braid or put in a ponytail. Before long, Yukari wandered by with Mitsuru, then Fuuka and finally a particularly agitated Aigis.

Ms. Toriumi decided they were too rowdy for their own good and broke everyone back up, but it was fun while it lasted. Hamuko fell asleep, thinking about the kinds of food she wanted to try while they were here.

 

~~~~~

 

It took until almost the last day of the trip for Hamuko to be able to hang out with Ryoji like she promised. Still, she finally got to eat one of those gree tea crepes she wanted to try. “Did you know they don’t even have these back at home?”

“They are kind of weird looking,” she muttered. Hamuko offered her a bite and after a moment of hesitation she tried it. “...it really doesn’t look it, but it is tasty.”

“Right!” she responded with a grin, taking another bite.

“You know, for some reason, I’m especially happy that I’m here with you,” she loosened the scarf covering her face, “...perhaps because it’s a new memory I’m making, so you’ll always be with me.”

“That’s a really nice way to look at it,” Hamuko told her, not certain if she felt the same way, “instead of being scared about the future, you think of the good things happening now.”

“I thought everyone thought like that…” she looked a little embarrassed and cast a sidelong glance at the river. Her friend silently munched on her crepe as she watched the water, “...it’s different from the ocean.”

“It’s flowing, so it has to keep moving forward. Even if someone tries to stop it, eventually, it has to keep going.”

“That sounds familiar, somehow,” Ryoji shook her head.

“Did you want more crepe? I’ll eat the rest of it if you don’t want any,” she offered what remained of the food. The transfer student decided to eat the rest of it, Hamuko crumpling the tissue paper after she was finished. 

“...there’s a lot of couples here too, just like at the cafe,” she observed, wiping cream of of the corners of her mouth, “I wonder why we always seem to end up at places like this. It must seem pretty strange to you.”

But her friend shrugged in response, “It’s a pretty spot. I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather be here with.”

Ryoji smiled, cheeks pink, “You’re so upfront. But, I don’t think that’s why…”

“Why what?”

“Why I like talking to you so much. I just… I feel drawn to you. I’m not sure I get it myself,” her sentence drifted off. “Oh! Sorry. That must be kind of strange, hearing from another girl.”

Hamuko chuckled, “Really? It doesn’t matter too much to me.”

Ryoji looked at her (although stared might have been more correct), before shaking her head, “Anyways, did you want to hang out after the trip? I think I’m free on the 22nd.”

“Sunday, right? Sure! That sounds fine to me.”

She let out a sigh after Hamuko responded, “Oh, good. I was worried… I’d feel really lonely if you couldn’t.” 

“Heheh. Don’t worry so much. We should head back, though, or we’ll miss the hot spring time,” she said, grabbing her friend’s wrist and leading the way back to the hotel. 

“W-wait. Could we look at some souvenirs before we go?” Ryoji pointed at one of the shops. Hamuko paused for a moment, before nodding. They still had some time left, after all. Eventually, they wandered back to the hotel, the girl’s hand still wrapped around her friend’s wrist.

 

~~~~~

 

“Kyoto was pretty good! Except for that incident with the boys at the end,” Hamuko stared dead eyed at her cup of tea, recalling how Mitsuru wouldn’t even look at them.

“...that’s true enough,” Ryoji replied, looking rather dismal thinking about it. She sighed, “Anyways, you were always looking like you were having fun. And it was really fun, making those memories with you and everyone.”

“Pfft, I’m always having fun,” she grinned and took a sip of her drink.

“Really? Sometimes when you smile you seem so lonesome…” she stopped and was silent, before continuing on something else, “did you end up getting anything there? Aside from the food.”

Hamuko pouted at that, “I’ll have you know that I know someone who very much wanted those nama-yatsuhashi. But I guess not, no. Why, did you get something special?”

She held out her hand in front of her, and glinting under the lights of the cafe was a thin band on her finger. With one of her long fingers, she spun it around with a smile, “It… reminds me of the time I’ve spent here, and all the memories and friends I’ve made. It feels comfortable, but it still holds tightly to my finger, like all my thoughts… does that make sense?”

“It makes perfect sense to me.”

She smiled (they seemed to be getting less and less rare the more they hung out), “It’s something I really treasure, even though I haven’t had it long. But I hope I can get lots of little things like this. I feel like I will if I hang out with you.”

“Are you wanting me to buy you lots of pretty little trinkets?” Hamuko grinned. 

Ryoji looked a little flustered when she said this, burying her face in her scarf, “I wasn’t really meaning that. Sheesh.” Her friend giggled and the transfer student stared at her feet, “I… feel like I’ve been waiting for you for a while. Wanting to meet you like this… it’s hard to explain. When I’m around you I feel like I’ve known you for ages.”

“Maybe it’s destiny?” Hamuko said with a sideways grin. 

“M-maybe. It’s…” she folded her arms over each other and laid her head on the table, “I feel like you’re the reason I should even be here. You… I…” 

“You’re making it sound like a love confession, Ryoji,” she said gently. Said girl buried her face even further into her arms, Hamuko couldn’t help but giggle, “It’s alright! I’m just teasing you. Let’s get refills and we can keep chatting.”

They spent the rest of the day together talking over their drinks. Now that Ryoji brought it up, she couldn’t help but wonder if she, too, felt a compulsion, a desire to get to know her better. By the time the cafe had closed up she shook it out of her mind and headed back to the dorms.

 

~~~~~

 

After the long week, she went back to Chagall, perhaps because the week had been especially tiring. She was a little surprised to see Ryoji also approaching the cafe, though she gave her a grin all the same. “Hey, Ryoji! How are you doing?”

“Oh… I’m fine. Are you doing alright?” she said, letting her friend in before herself. 

Her smile faltered for a moment, “It’s been a pretty difficult week.” 

She nodded solemnly, “Yukari said the same thing at the beginning of the week. And Junpei-kun didn’t really show up for the first few days…”

“Junpei, um, he lost someone important to him on Sunday,” she responded, crossing her arms, “so it’s not surprising.”

“I see…” she seemed to think about what she should say next, opening and closing her mouth before she finally said, “people… they die. It can’t be changed, no matter how hard we wish it.” Her tone of voice reminded her of someone, but it was hard to think of who, “Ah, that sounds pretty cold, doesn’t it?”

It did seem like it was a little cold, but she also understood it well. Her parents died a long time ago, she was shuffled between relatives, friends always came and disappeared soon afterwards. Even friends she met for a short while, like Aragaki-senpai, ended up disappearing, “It’s true, though. Everyone leaves, eventually.”

She gave her an almost weary look, “But the important thing is that they don’t leave us with nothing. The bonds we share always remain, even if the people disappear. So even if something sad happened to Junpei-kun, he still has the memories of the person he cared about, so…”

“That’s not really something you can tell someone, though,” she said gently.

She stayed silent as Hamuko ordered them both something to drink, only finally talking again when they arrived, “If something like that happened to Yukari, I’d feel awful… I guess I don’t really know Junpei as well. But I feel like… I heard someone talk about bonds like that before. I…” 

Ryoji looked troubled as she nursed her coffee. They sat together, speaking rarely. Finally, as the cafe was closing, she quietly said, “I feel like I told that to someone, someone precious to me. But I don’t quite…”

 

~~~~~

 

Ryoji invited her out again, though at this point it practically seemed like business as usual. They got on the train together, but walked to school, despite the fact it was Sunday. But she felt like she understood completely as Ryoji started to climb over the gate, helping her over. They snuck into the school and climbed to the rooftop without a word. The two of them were in such a rush that Ryoji practically fell onto the benches up there. “S-sorry. We’ll probably get in trouble if they find us up here, huh?”

Hamuko shrugged and smiled, sitting on the bench next to her half-collapsed friend. Her friend struggled to peel her scarf off of her face, gently helping when she could. 

“T...thanks,” she puffed as she sat back up, looking over the roof. Catching her breath, they watched the sun flicker off of the water, before she started talking again, “I’m really glad you agreed to see me again today. I was pretty nervous… when I’m not near other people. I always feel that way.”

She tilted her head, wanting her to go on. With a deep breath, she did.

“I feel like I’m scared when I think about you... or tomorrow, the future,” she twisted her ring around her finger over and over as she spoke, looking like she was moments from crying, but never quite doing so, “I wish I knew why. I wish I understood. I feel like something awful is going to happen in the future, and it’ll be all my fault, and I, I don’t want that.”

Her hands were shaking, and she gave her a look filled with concern. She mumbled out an apology and hugged herself, rocking back and forth. Hamuko touched her back gently, rubbing it with a repetitive motion, and Ryoji seemed to calm down.

“You’re important to me. You’re probably the most important thing to me. I don’t want to lose you,” she said softly, staring at the ocean, “...you’re the only person I want to be with. The most important person to me. S-so… will you stay with me?” she looked at her from the corner of her eyes. Hamuko didn’t respond; she couldn’t, really. Ryoji took in a shaky breath and smiled, “I-I’m glad I decided to tell you this here. Even if you can’t respond, at least I s--”

She tugged on her sleeve. Her hands were going so fast she wasn’t certain that Ryoji actually understood what she was saying, and her confused look just confirmed this. With her body feeling like it was vibrating, she signed with her arms ‘y-e-s’, something that even someone who only barely understood English should have been able to understand.

“I-is that a yes? You want to…?”

She nodded vigorously, hard enough she was almost worried her head would fall off. Ryoji’s eyes went as round as saucers in response.

“Ah!” she half shouted, and it didn’t really seem like it was intentional. After calming herself down, she started to laugh, “I wasn’t really expecting you to say yes. But thank you. You’re so important to me, I… guess I don’t know what to say besides that.”

Hamuko smiled, and her now girlfriend smiled back.

They stared at the ocean together, in near silence. But once, among the hours they spent together, she thought she heard Ryoji say, “...why does it hurt so much…”

 

~~~~~

 

Hamuko expected her girlfriend to at least look a little more flustered in her room, given her reaction when she invited her the day before. But no, she simply looked curious; or maybe she looked confused. “...this is the first time I’ve been here, right?”

“Unless you’ve visited me in my sleep, yeah,” she chuckled, and her girlfriend went back to looking embarrassed. 

She folded her arms sullenly, grumbling, “I highly doubt that.” She shook her head, instead saying, “It feels more like a place I’ve been to before, and I’m back again. But that doesn’t make any sense, does it…”

“Maybe you dreamed about it,” she teased, Ryoji only burying her hands in her face in response. “I’m just kidding! You aren’t that kind of person.”

“I know I’m not,” she said with a sigh, “but… I really feel like I was meant to meet you. To be friends with you. M-maybe I’ve gotten this all wrong.”

Hamuko tilted her head, confused, “But I like you too. I don’t think we could both be wrong.”

“But…” Ryoji drifted off, touching her chest, “it hurts. I’m glad I met you and that you like me but…” Ryoji stared at her own hand, expression melancholy, “I feel like I’m just taking advantage of your kindness. I’m scared I’m going to make you sad.”

“Why would you ever want to make me sad?” she felt a little genuinely hurt by this. She certainly didn’t want to upset people she cared about; why would the person she’d come to care for most say that?

“I don’t want to!” She said, probably in the most forceful tone she’d ever heard her speak in. “...I don’t want to… b-but I feel like somehow, being here, existing, I’m going to hurt so many people…”

Hamuko realized she was shaking like she was going to collapse at any moment, “Ryoji, are you alright…?”

Her girlfriend breathed as if she were a fish dying on the land, “I-I can’t, I’m scared, I’m…” She mumbled to herself incoherently, deathly pale, “I’m, I’m really here, right? I’m real, aren’t I?”

She wasn’t certain exactly what to do, but leaving her standing and scared wasn’t helping. She took her other hand between both of hers, “You’re here, Ryoji. You’re here in my room with me, your girlfriend. It’s alright.”

Her breathing calmed, and she started to steady herself. “Your hand is so warm… thank you. I don’t normally have this problem around you.”

“It’s fine. I’ll try to help, if I can,” she said gently, “maybe you could try thinking about the great things we can do in the future, instead of the scary things. Like we could go to the shrine for New Year’s, I bet you’d be really cute in a formal kimono.”

Ryoji considered this, “It’d be nice if we could do that, yeah.” Hamuko rubbed her girlfriend’s palm with her thumb. Nervousness flashed in her eyes for a brief moment as she looked down at her girlfriend, “Please don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she responded, placing one of her hands on the other girl’s face. She spent a long time with Ryoji.

 

~~~~~

 

“Leader? We need to head to the Moonlight bridge. Fuuka sensed a Persona user,” Yukari entered her room without even a knock. 

Despite her initial sleepiness, that woke her up immediately, “Is it Strega?”

“...Aigis is already there,” and that was all that needed to be said for Hamuko to rush out there. If Aigis was there already, there must have been something bad happening, right?

But by the time they had arrived, Aigis had already been heavily damaged. Parts of their body were scattered across the bridge like shattered glass. “Aigis! Are you--” Mitsuru started, but lost the words in her throat.

“I… remember. I remember why “she” is a threat. Who I am… why… I’m here…” they reached their hand towards Hamuko and she took it, “I’m sorry. I’ve failed… to protect you…”

“I-it’s fine, Aigis! You’ll be fine!” she didn’t want anyone else dying. She was tired, she was so tired of it.

“...Sorry…” 

“It’s not your fault. You don’t need to apologize,” a painfully familiar voice said, sad and solemn.

“Wait, what’re you…?” Yukari asked, turning to face Ryoji, standing quietly on the bridge. She didn’t turn to face anyone, staring at the water below the bridge instead.

“Ryoji-chan, what the hell are you doing here?” Junpei didn’t seem to know if he felt confused, or worried, or angry. 

“G-guys, Aigis isn’t looking good…” Fuuka said, and she was right. They’d stopped moving entirely, their hand felt heavy in Hamuko’s. 

“What the hell is happening?!” Akihiko demanded.

Finally, softly, Ryoji said something, “It’s my fault. Everything is.”

“You… you mean you did this?” Akihiko looked like he was preparing to deck her, but Mitsuru stopped him.

“Akihiko, she’s not even being aggressive!” She shouted, “...but… I don’t understand what you mean. How could you have caused all of this? Who could even do that?”

She didn’t turn around as she spoke her next words, “I’m the same as them. The ones you call shadows. I’m the same.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Yukari insisted, taking a step forward, “We’ve been friends for almost a month now, there’s no way you’re like them. Is this some sort of sick joke?”

“...it isn’t a joke,” she replied softly, pulling her scarf down, “I’m a shadow created from the joining of twelve major arcana. I’m the Appriser.”

“What the hell does that even mean?! The Appriser?” Junpei demanded. 

“The one who will awaken the maternal being that the shadows seek to bring again. Or the one who she’s drawn to, anyways.”

“W-who is this maternal being? How do you know this?” Fuuka said, stepping backwards with a frown.

She turned around, hands pulling at her own scarf, “I remember everything. Aigis… me… and her, too.” Her eyes seemed luminescent and glassy, perhaps from the light of the moon. “Ten years ago, a man in a laboratory tried to bring about the maternal being. He tried to bring her about with my birth, but I was incomplete. Aigis tried to stop me, but they failed, though we were both horribly damaged from the fight.”

“T-then… that must have been,” Mitsuru muttered to herself, cutching her stomach. 

Ryoji continued, “But they wanted to make sure I could be contained. They were lucky, a girl nearby had just lost her family but was still alive. She didn’t know it, but she grew up, carrying me inside of her, and it seemed like she’d never come back to this wretched place until she transferred to school here.”

“W… wait! Wait, then what you’re saying is… she’s...” Everyone turned their gaze from Ryoji to Hamuko. 

“...I lived inside of Hamuko’s body for nearly ten years,” she finally said, voice sounding hollow and tired. Hamuko’s throat felt like she was breathing glass. This wasn’t real. This wasn’t real, she told herself, digging her thumbnails into her palms. She pretended she couldn’t feel it. 

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Yukari said softly, hands balled into fists, “none of this makes any sense!”

“When her persona awoke, the other 12 shadows did as well, so that they could complete ‘me’,” she balled one of her fists at her chest, and it reminded Hamuko of the other day, except it seemed like years ago at this point. 

“How could you be the Appriser?! You can’t just… live inside a person’s body for ten years and have no one know!” Yukari finally shouted, slamming her fist into her leg, “this doesn’t make any sense at all!”

“...Sorry. I’m so sorry, everyone. Everything’s my fault, and there’s still more you...need to...know...” her legs seemed to give out from under her, and she fell to the ground.

“Ryoji-chan!” 

Mitsuru got to her first, checking her vitals quickly, “...She’s exhausted, it looks like. We can take the two of them back to the dorm, they need rest.” She nodded at Aigis as she let Akihiko carry Ryoji, “We’ll talk again after they’ve recovered.”

Those were the last words spoken that night. Hamuko got to her feet, but they felt more like lead bricks than anything attached to her. Silently, SEES returned to the dormitory.

 

~~~~~

 

On Christmas, she wondered where Ryoji was. She hoped she was alright. It wasn’t her fault, after all. Fuuka gave her a sad look when she got home, but she didn’t say anything. She smiled back at her because a leader has to be strong even when she doesn’t feel like it. 

She missed her.

 

~~~~~

 

Ryoji arrived in the dorm in the same outfit she’d been wearing earlier that month, despite the cold. Hamuko quietly hoped she hadn’t made herself sick. “Hello,” she said softly, loosening her scarf enough to be heard, “I hope you’ve reached a decision.”

No one said anything. Perhaps they were scared of what she might say or do, but everyone remained quiet. 

“...I’ll go to her room so you can discuss it amongst yourselves,” She turned towards the staircase, yellow scarf trailing behind her. She took a step forward, but turned back once more, “Please don’t be afraid to kill me. I’m not even human, and I won’t feel any pain so…” She took a deep breath before continuing, “so if that’s what’s stopping you, please don’t worry about it.”

They were silent enough that they could practically hear her feet tapping on the floor as she went to Hamuko’s room. “Have you made your decision?” Mitsuru finally asked as they heard the door upstairs shut. 

“...I have.”

“...I see,” everyone else had made it clear that they intended to fight Nyx, even Ken. Despite the fact Ryoji had made it clear that there was no way they could win against her, everyone wanted to at least try. She wasn’t certain she understood it.

Their leader stood up and smiled as she usually did, “I’ll go let her know.”

Ryoji was quietly standing in a corner when she arrived. She seemed to be avoiding touching anything, as if any tiny impact she could have on her room would mark it for eternity. “Oh, that didn’t take long,” she said, almost sounding surprised. 

“We’ve had a month to think about it. You can sit, if you want,” Hamuko took a seat on her bed.

“I don’t need to--”

“You should, though. Please,” she motioned through her room, but instead she chose to take a seat on the wooden floor. Hamuko sighed, but Ryoji started to talk.

“Thank you… for caring about me. I had a really good time back then,” she actually smiled, one that looked genuinely happy, “I hope you came to the right decision. It might seem scary, but I promise I won’t feel anything. It’s fine.”

“I’m not going to kill you,” she said quickly, the words feeling like they were falling out of her mouth. “No one wants you to die.”

And when she said that, Ryoji’s face fell. “Are you doing this because Yukari doesn’t want to kill me? She’s… really nice, I understand that she wouldn’t want me to die. But I left this to you,” she touched the edge of her scarf lightly, “I don’t want you to suffer. I want you to live happily until the end. I don’t want you, or Yukari, or Junpei, or any of you to bear this trouble because of me. I can do this for you.”

“It isn’t your fault though,” Hamuko insisted.

She almost seemed angry for a moment, “It is, though! If I wasn’t here at all, you wouldn’t have to face Nyx, you would be safe and happy! It’s because of me that all of this happened!” She pushed herself to her feet, her knuckles white as she gripped her skirt. “I don’t even look like this. This is what I really look like.” 

Before Hamuko’s eyes she transformed into something that looked like a persona (she thought, perhaps, it was from the death arcana), and she was half-surprised she fit into the room at all. She was at least a little shocked, given how she hopped up from her bed.

“I’m not human. I will bring endless death to the world, the likes of which you can’t even comprehend. Don’t hesitate to destroy me,” it seemed like she was trying to be intimidating. Even if she was at least twice the size of her, Hamuko didn’t feel particularly nervous. It wasn’t long before Ryoji started to act in a way she was more used to, “...please, think about it. You can’t hope to win against Nyx, it’s just not possible. ...I don’t want to think about you and your friends scared and struggling helplessly. So, please. Please kill me.”

It was odd, hearing her sound so pessimistic when she knew how she was usually the opposite. It made part of her question her own (and her teammates) judgement. If it was really, honestly hopeless, why were they even trying? What if more of them ended up dead? Did she really want that? If she really thought about it, she just wasn’t sure. She turned her eyes up to look at the mask that now constituted Ryoji’s face. 

She stepped forward and grabbed Ryoji’s transformed hand, covering it with her other hand. They felt especially small in that moment, compared to hers, but she knew this was the right thing to do. Even though she was definitely twice her size, she gave her a hug, one as large as she could manage.

“...we’ll still try, okay? We can still have that,” she said quietly, as if telling a secret to Ryoji.

She didn’t say anything. She thinks, though, that she can hear her sigh, even if she doesn’t appear to have the biology to do so. She transforms back into the form Hamuko is more used to, muttering, “Alright. It’s your life after all, I guess I need to accept it. I’m sorry I couldn’t convince you…” 

Ryoji rested her head on Hamuko’s, almost slumping over in exhaustion. “It’s not your fault, I’m just stubborn,” she said, giving her tall girlfriend an extra squeeze. 

It sounded for a moment, like she laughed, though it wasn’t a particularly happy sound. Even if she didn’t move her arms to reciprocate the embrace, she pressed her cheek into Hamuko’s hair, breathing slowly. “I… I’ll try to tell you guys how to fight Nyx. We should go back to the lounge.”

She nodded and released the other girl. “Yeah… of course. Maybe we’ll see each other again,” she said, though from the look Ryoji gave her, she doubted it.

“You know…” she drifted off, staring at her feet, “I’m sorry I can’t visit the shrine on New Year’s with you. But I’m happy I knew you like this. I’m happy I could be Ryoji Mochizuki with you, and I’m glad that I can make these… memories with you, right now,” she paused as she spoke, trying not to say they’d be her last, twisting her ring on her finger. Hamuko tried to smile away the implication, but she couldn’t feel it in her heart. “Thank you, so much for this.”

“Hey, I mean, it’s not like this is the last time I’ll see you, right?” her voice sounded funny as it came out of her mouth. Her smile felt wobbly on her lips, and her eyes felt like they were on fire. She’d said goodbye so many times before, why should another one be hard?

Ryoji smiled at her, genuine and sincere compared to hers. “...Could I ask you a favor, though?” She pulled her ring off of her finger, holding it out to Hamuko. “I want you to keep this. If… if you kept something proving I was human, I think…” she laughed softly, “I think I could stand it.”

She picked up the ring, glowing softly in Ryoji’s palm. She had cold hands, Hamuko knew this, but she could still feel a little warmth from it as she held it as if she were praying. She gnawed on the inside of her lip as she slipped it onto her own finger, “Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything.”

She laughed again, and Hamuko tried to memorize everything about it, the way she’d smile with her teeth just a little as she chuckled, the way it sounded, the way her eyebrows knotted together as she did it. She didn’t want to forget anything. Ryoji nodded and smiled again, “Don’t worry about it. I want you to know, I love you.”

She tries to remember the way that the warmth from the ring feels like as it before it heats up completely from her hand. She commits to memory the way Ryoji’s mouth looks as she says those words, the way her eyes look at her softly. She doesn’t want to forget; she never wants to lose these memories. She finally smiles back, genuine as her girlfriend did for her, “...I love you too.”


	2. after april

She felt a little guilty being so close to her. After all, if she didn’t exist, none of this would have happened. But it wasn’t like she knew she was around, right? She was fast asleep, like she usually seemed to be in this in-between world, but that was good. She never got much sleep when she was still alive, anyways.

There was no way Ryoji could have predicted they’d be together again, especially like this. She _should_ have stopped existing when Nyx arrived, she should have been gone by December 31st, so many things should have happened, but somehow they didn’t end up that way. Now the soul of the most important person she knew was keeping everyone from dying. Did she know that? Did she hate her for it? She should have, she had every right to. 

But she laid on the couch that was a replica of her old home (Ryoji had lived inside of her for ten years, she knew all of her memories, friends, everything). She’d probably wake up soon, maybe she’d read a book she’d thought of, or relearn violin, since the instrument still sat dusty in the corner, or maybe she’d think of some food she could eat. Whatever she did, she’d be safe, that was the important thing. She lifted her foot, setting it back down as lightly as she could. Humans could always wake up from such gentle things.

“Were you not planning on saying hello?” She asked, startling Ryoji enough to have her nearly knock over a lamp. She laughs, a real one, not hollow and tired like they sounded like so frequently. “I didn’t know you were such a klutz.”

“S-sorry! I’ll leave. I, um, w-wasn’t meaning to…” wasn’t meaning to what? Watch her while she slept? No, because that was clearly what Ryoji meant to do. Ugh, she was such a creep. 

But she laughed again, “I wasn’t expecting guests or I would have thought up some tea or something.” She opens her eyes, which have always and will probably always be the most glowing shade of red that she’d ever seen. She pulled her scarf higher on her face.

“No, it’s…” she tugged on the end of her scarf, picking the threads and fraying the edges. “I’m sorry. I won’t bother you again.” She started to walk towards the door, eyes still lingering on those of the most important person in her existence.

She blinked her red eyes, eyebrows knit together in confusion, “Sorry, did I do something? you seem really antsy.” 

“No!” her hands shot up, waving helplessly, “...n-no, you haven’t done anything wrong. I just…” she breathed in slowly and continued, “I don’t think you need someone like me around, is all.” Because that made sense, really. Ryoji had done nothing but cause her pain and misery, at least now that her body was gone, the Appriser should just leave her alone. 

The other girl sighed, pushing herself into a sitting position. “Limbo isn’t a very fun place, you know!” she huffed again, “I can imagine whatever I want, and it’s there, but I can’t imagine a conversation with Junpei-kun I haven’t already had. I could… I could imagine Aragaki-senpai’s cooking and eat it as many times as I want but there’s nothing different.”

“So you want me here because you’re lonesome? Or bored?” It sounded harsher than she'd intended it to. Or maybe she had intended it that harsh. Maybe if Hamuko remembered that she wasn't someone who brought anything good to her, maybe she'd let her go. Maybe then she'd realize that Ryoji had never been good.

“T-that’s not what I’m trying to say,” she stared at her feet, frowning, “what I’m saying is… I could imagine anything I ever wanted, and I’d have it, except for one thing.”

“...Unique experiences?” If that was really what she wanted, Ryoji would feel alright staying with her here. Even if she got sick of her eventually. She did save the world after all, the one she’d grown pretty fond of, she owed her that much. She'd try not to let her own love get mixed up in the issue.

She huffed again, however, “No! It couldn’t, or maybe wouldn’t, bring up memories of you. I thought about lots of times with you, when we went to the cafe, and to school… but it wasn’t the same, not even a simulacra of you would appear like it did for everyone else. And I assumed it was because you were the most important person to me that it just didn’t want to attempt. So since you’re here, maybe we should make the most of it?”

Ryoji was glad her face was hidden behind the scarf she wore, there was no way her mouth wasn’t hanging open (and probably tomato colored to boot). It was amazing how she could say such embarrassing things without even batting an eye. But that was what she liked about her, right? It wasn’t like she didn’t feel the same way or anything. “...I...if you’re sure,” she mumbled.

Hamuko gave her a smile filled with sweetness, her red eyes sparkling, “There’s nothing else I’ve been more sure of.”

She pushed herself off the couch she’d rested on, half-running up to Ryoji and grabbing her by the waist. The gesture was almost painfully familiar, but this time she didn’t feel guilty reciprocating the hug. They may have even stayed that way for weeks, years, millenia. The only thing that mattered was that they were together again, and that was all they ever needed, really.


End file.
